


Little Talks

by fineinthemorning



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Character Study, Drabble Collection, Feels, Fluff, Gen, Manga Spoilers, Mental Instability, One Shot Collection, Tokyo Ghoul: re, bitty!Shironeki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4264740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineinthemorning/pseuds/fineinthemorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People come and go, but it's the ones that remain with us -whether in our arms or in our memories- that make us who we are. These are a series of one-shots or drabbles based on an analysis of how relationships with others define our own character.</p><p>1st Reflection - Unconditional Love - Hideyoshi Nagachika<br/>2nd Reflection - When I See You Again - Haise Sasaki<br/>3rd Reflection - Let It All Out - Hinami Fueguchi<br/>4th Reflection - Chapter 48 - The World is Wrong - Shuu Tsukiyama<br/>5th Reflection - White Death - Kishou Arima<br/>6th Reflection - Blog Message - Shuu Tsukiyama</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unconditional Love

**Author's Note:**

> This frist one is in first person POV, but none of the others will be.

When I see you for the first time in five months, I recognize you instantly. Though your eyes are what are most telling, it’s your hands I see first. We’re in the bookstore you like, and your hand is reaching towards the top shelf in the non-fiction sports section, somewhere I never actually expected you to be, and you pull down a book titled  _The Foundations and Subtleties of Kung Fu_. Your fingers, calloused but still small, trace over the hardcover book and seem to take pleasure in tracing the embossed script before opening the text. That’s when my eyes find your face, and I can see the same charcoal gray eyes I see every night before sleep takes me in that state between being awake and being asleep. Your eyes are shifting quickly, focused entirely on the text in your hand, and as you take in the information written there, I take in you.

Upon first glance, you’re not the same. The atmosphere around you is tense, but not in the anxious innocence of a rabbit- a victim. It’s tense because it’s threatening, and, to a stranger, I’m sure you seem to carry around you an unspoken threat. You’re not the rabbit anymore; you’re the lion.  Your posture is rigid, confident, and even though you’re engaging in your favorite activity, you still don’t seem relaxed. Your hair is white- the color of death. Another opposite. Your lips are frozen in an expression I’ve seen before, but never as a constant. It’s a frown that remains uninterrupted despite, again, the fact that you’re reading- something you once took more pleasure in than even me.  

Finally, I study your eyes, and after only a mere few seconds of that, I have to look away. The atmosphere is not in my mind; if you haven’t transformed from a rabbit to a lion, you’re certainly pretending that you have. They’re so unbearably empty on first glance. After seeing past that, your eyes are telling me their secrets. They tell me that they’ve seen things they were never meant to. They tell me that they can’t  _unsee_  them. They tell me that all they’ve experienced has made it impossible to look at the world in the same way. They don’t smile. They don’t laugh. They don’t hope that things will change.

I hide on the end of the aisle, and I’m suddenly reminded that ghouls have a heightened sense of smell, and as soon as you recognize my presence, I’ll have forced upon you something you clearly don’t want- facing your past.  So, instead of remaining in your presence, I take off. No, I’m not going to lose you, not after all of this time. I just make my way upstairs. There is a portion of the upper floor that’s cut out, and I can watch you from there. Not being a ghoul, or even an expert on ghouls myself, I’m not sure if the distance I’ve created has really made a difference, but when I gain sight of you again, you’re in the same place, and you haven’t once looked up.

Good.

Good.  _I can watch you from here._

Bad.

You’ve changed, but I haven’t. I don’t know, honestly, if you have changed for the better or the worse, but one thing is certain, something  _has_ changed you. Going five months without you  _hasn’t_ changed me. Maybe I get less sleep. Maybe I am more dedicated to my work than I ever have been in all my life. You’d be impressed! Maybe I’ve taken to drinking bitter black coffee. But what hasn’t changed is that I’ve been watching you. I’ve been watching you all this time. In book releases. In newspaper clippings. In the faces of the others who know you. I’ve been _looking for you_ , because I can’t unsee anything, either. I can’t unsee the last twelve years we’ve spent together. I can’t unsee the love you’ve shown me in that time. I can’t unsee every piece of _beauty_  that stirs up a memory of  _you_ , because there’s  _no separation anymore between the two_.

You’re  _my_  sun. I’ve only become the person I am today, because your radiance was always there to encourage me. It’s dark without you, so I have to cherish the moments where I can find pieces of you. I use them to gather as much energy as possible for until the next moment I can bask in the beauty connected to a memory of you.

Even now you’re  _radiant_. You’ve gone through maybe a dozen books now, and you’ve created an ever-climbing stack on the floor next to you. I can gather that you’re trying to learn martial arts of some kind . . . through reading. And that’s so like you. You  _would_  read about a skill before ever taking a foot inside a classroom to learn it.

Martial arts? Fighting? What’s your life like now, Kaneki? I want to know. I want to know every detail. I want to be a part of it. I want to experience it with you.

. . . But it doesn’t matter what I want.

What matters is what you want.

What matters is that I trust you . . . I have to trust you to put yourself first.

When you pick up the stack of books, I watch you get in line for the register. This is it. You’ve made it clear that you don’t want me in your life, but I have to know every bit of yours. I go to the first floor, and once you’ve paid a good 20,000 yen for your books, you’re walking briskly out the door. Of course, I follow.

I know. As I keep following you to the nearest station and onto the next train car over so that you can’t smell me, but I can see you through the windows, I know. When I follow you as you get off at a station in a completely different ward, and I follow a distance away down a quiet winding street, I know. I know that what I’m doing  _isn’t_  healthy. I know that every action, every thought by this point that’s connected to you _isn’t_  healthy. But I’ve been without the sun for too long. I can’t heal, much less grow. I’m not _living_ without you in my presence; I’m just surviving on artificial light provided by the memories we’ve shared together. So, I follow you. Of course I follow you all the way home.

Your new home. It’s a two story building, in a ward you’d never afford on your own. If it is an apartment, I wouldn’t know what to call it, because there’s only one door, so it appears you have the whole floor. The door opens before you reach it, and a girl I remember from Anteiku rushes out.

I can tell. She’s grown. She’s been basking in the radiance of you for these last five months, hasn’t she? She hugs you, and you accept the embrace and announce that you’re home.

A bulky man nearly three times your size with an oddly shaped beard comes out next, and he smiles as he greets you. I’ve never seen him before, but I can see in his smile his admiration for you. You’ve gained respect from others, and seeing that in his eyes makes me even more desperate to just  _know more_.

Finally, a tall and lanky man with seductive eyes and thin lips appears in the doorway, leans against the door frame, and waits for you there. His gesticulations that come with his greeting are flamboyant and charismatic. He’s like the moon. It’s clear to me that every amount of light in his eyes has been placed there by you.

You’re smiling.

You’re beautiful.

In this moment, my mind fights with my heart; whichever is victorious will be rewarded command over my body. Currently my heart is screaming, fighting and pumping blood to my muscles so that I may use them to run up to you- to rush from behind and embrace you as I’ve done millions of times in the past. My heart needs to tell you how lonely I’ve been. My heart needs to not  _see_  you laugh but  _make_  you laugh. My heart needs more from you now than it ever has before. My mind sees you without the complications of emotions. It sees that maybe this is the life you’ve chosen, and you don’t see me in it. It reasons that going to you now is a breach of trust, and I have to be the one person you, Kaneki Ken, can trust completely with everything even at my own expense. My mind wins. I watch you go inside with the others, smiling at each of them a little differently.

It’s true; I don’t . . . see any life at all without you beside me, but-

You can still be my sun even from this distance.  _That’s just how brilliantly you shine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This was my first time doing first person POV. I'd love some feedback on it if at all possible. Tear it apart! Tell me all the bad things! Make me cry! Or . . . not. I just need a critique. T-T


	2. When I See You Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a drabble based off of Wiz Khalifa’s “See You Again”. Fluff is so hard for me. Writing happy things is difficult. I listened to this song a good 400 times. It’s still pretty though. OTL I tried to focus on all the lyrics if you know them

Life never works out the way you expect it to.

He’d lived twelve years at his best friend’s side only for him to disappear from him entirely for the next two and a half. He’d assumed they would have lived on at each other’s side. He’d assumed that they’d go on living till their last breath at each other’s side.  But fate had other plans- plans that involved organ transplants and unspeakable torture and amnesia in addition the occasional death sprinkled here and there throughout.

But Kaneki Ken was his family. Sure, he had his mother, and he had more acquaintances than he could shake a stick at, but Kaneki filled within him a void so deep that even _loneliness_ felt like a cheap title. When he’d scored the winning goal for his finals soccer game, Kaneki had been there. When he’d had his first crush, Kaneki had helped him write the letter. When he’d skipped school for the first time, it’d been to drag Kaneki to a book signing of one of his favorite authors. They’d attended summer camps together, gotten part time jobs at the same conbini, and they’d even spent countless nights at Hide’s house or apartment studying or watching movies or making up new endings to the books or video games they were dissatisfied with. He had never adjusted to the void within him. Normal meant Kaneki was beside him. Nothing about these last two years had been normal.

A fork had been stabbed into their path and forced them along separate routes. Hide had been thrown asunder while Ken had been written into a new destiny. Their lives were lived separately these last two years, but where Hide had been little more than a walking cadaver, Kaneki had been given a new life, a new name, and a new family. Hide had been careful not to ruin the happiness in the new family Ken had found.

Not careful enough.

<><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Life never works out the way you expect it to.

Haise Sasaki stared at the man he’d just bumped into on the streets of Ikebukuro. He didn’t speak. He didn’t blink. He didn’t move. He knew right away who this was. No, he didn’t know his name, and it felt like this was the first time he’d ever seen his face, but he _knew_ him. Unmistakably, this person was the missing piece. He was the whole reason he never felt _whole_.

Simply seeing him- meeting his eyes _\- it felt like coming home_.

The stranger stumbled over his words, “Sorry, man-I-”

Tears. Haise was crying. No, if he cried too much then his vision would get blurry, and he wouldn’t be able to see this person- meet his eyes. He _needed_ to see him. Who was he? Did it matter? He had found his _home_. It was right here. He squinted his eyes to clear them of tears, and when he opened them again, he saw the blonde coming towards him. He went stiff as he was embraced.

“Hey, it’s okay.”

His voice. He’d never heard it before, but hearing it now told him that it had been his survival once. He relaxed immediately and returned the embrace while the tears continued to fall.

The Quinx were present through this entire exchange, and Shirazu was blushing crimson despite the fact that he was only a witness to what was going on, “Sasan are you okay? You -uh, know this guy?”

Mutsuki tugged on his sleeve gently and met Shirazu’s concerned eyes with a silent plea. It wasn’t their place to interrupt this. Saiko and Urie just watched, neither moving or saying anything in response to the clear display of recognition in their mentor’s eyes.

The man with the bleach blonde hair pulled away, and when he did Haise watched him smile. It was like seeing the sun come out after two long years of suffering in an eternal night. It was a smile that told him he was safe. He was safe no matter what enemy he was facing. Internal. External.

Every word Haise needed to hear was conveyed through the other’s eyes. The blonde’s brown eyes told him of shared experiences, shared secrets, and shared feelings. No, the memories weren’t there. There were no faces or places- no imagery of any kind, but he could see their history in his eyes. As long as he was looking into these brown eyes, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t see where he’d been; he knew exactly where he was going.

The tears stopped, and Haise’s eyes had gone wide in the time that he had been receiving the message shining brightly in the blonde’s brown eyes. Was this love at first sight? Was love at first sight simply reuniting with a soul that had once been inseparable from your own? Haise couldn’t recall ever feeling this way before. He’d remembered bits and pieces from his past, but they had never struck him in the way this person had.

Soft lips placed a tender kiss just below his left eye. That’s when he realized that this person _knew_. He was looking at him with such gentle kindness even though he _knew_. Haise didn’t move even when the blonde placed another light kiss in the corner of his lips- not quite touching them just yet. Someone loved him this much. Someone-

“ _Hide._ ”

As soon as the name left his mouth, their lips met in an affectionate kiss, but neither deepened it, and neither pulled away, either. Hide, the man with the light in his eyes, spread his lips into a smile, and Haise marveled at the fact that he could see the smile in his mind despite the fact that in this moment, he could only feel it. He knew this smile. He knew it well. It was perfect.

Haise pulled away and spoke his name a second time, “ _Hide._ ”

Their eyes continued to converse, the nonverbal communication taking the place of words. ‘ _I know you’_ wasn’t anywhere near the correct wording for what his eyes were telling him now. And, ‘ _I love you’_ didn’t begin to carry the weight it needed to. _‘Acceptance.’_ ‘Acceptance’ was a word that could be spoken yet just didn’t need to be.

Haise finally smiled in return, and without hesitation, the blonde kissed him again.

“ _Hide._ ”

Another kiss was placed on the corner of his left eyebrow.

“ _Hide._ ”

A third kiss ended up on his forehead.

“ _Hide._ ”

Another was placed on his nose.

Finally, Haise laughed and when his eyes met Hide’s, the blonde joined him. They'd told each other enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like dime-store trash, but I hope you were able to enjoy it anyway? Haha~! Just-wow- OTL


	3. Let It All Out

Hinami is always there for her big brother when he wakes from a nightmare and, once he is through reeling from the aftershock, she walks to the kitchen. She makes him coffee and hands it to him. She hugs him and he cries and she hugs him tighter. She sings him back to sleep softly enough that no one else in the condo is disturbed.

Hinami is confident that her decision had been the right one. No, it wasn’t because she saw Kaneki Ken as her elder brother; she had an elder sister in Kirishima Touka as well. No, it wasn’t because she felt indebted to him. No, it was that her big brother was not strong- not in the way that her big sister was. She was someone who, like herself, had grown to be strong when life was still easy to adapt to and change was something that could be accepted through adjustments and growth. Kaneki, however, had been changed,  _shocked_ , had been forced to become strong long after he’d already accepted the mundane totality of his life.

It’s the same routine. He stirs again in his sleep and nearly screams when he bolts up from the couch.

She looks at him knowingly and kindly, “Onii-chan.”

“Hinami?” And their eyes meet, and he finds comfort in them, and he realizes that if Hinami is here, then he’s in the condo. The floor isn’t checkered. Yamori is most certainly dead.

Next, comes the apologies, “Hinami-I-”

She stands up and hugs him before he can get them out, and he feels grateful. Gratitude is likely the strongest emotion he feels towards her now. When had their roles switched? When had she grown up?

“Are you okay, Hinami-chan?” _he asks her_.

She understands. “I’ll be better soon,” she promises softly. They sit back down together on the couch. He has the coffee she made for him, and his eyes speak to her everything he can’t say.

She only responds to his unspoken words with, “It’s okay.” She could hear everything he wasn’t saying. Things like,  _‘I just need to be here together with you. I know I’m the one who’s not fine, not you, but thank you for making me feel needed. You know that you being here helps, don’t you? Thank you, Hinami, for never judging me despite what I’ve become.’_

She heard all of it, and she knew that her big brother was grateful that he never had to say these things out loud- not to her. So when they know that they’re alone, she only strokes his hair gently as he cries. He appreciates the affection. It makes him feel more human, even if he knows he could never go back to _that_.

She continues to sing softly as per their long established routine, and he takes comfort in the words in her song. Hinami was the only person allowed to see him like this, and she knew that. If Flower Man was his knife and Banjou his shield, she would be his heart.

One could not battle the evils of this world without the will to keep going, and that desire was born within one’s chest.


	4. Ch.48 - The World is Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote out what I thought I might like to see in Chapter 48 for funzies.

“You’re-” Sasaki turned around, Yukimura in hand, but he didn’t advance. He’s not in shock, but he is certainly surprised. He knows he should advance immediately with an offensive attack. It’s a wipeout operation; this isn’t reconnaissance.

But Tsukiyama turned out to be him. Him.

Another headache hits him in a wave. He’s powerless in its wake as it comes abruptly with a pang and a sting behind his eyes that makes him squint and sends his free hand to press flatly against his forehead.

Shuu watches.

Part of him hates Kaneki Ken, but it’s a very small part. A larger part hates himself. He knows that they wouldn’t be here now if the others had not gone out to find meat to sate his hunger. He knows he never would have gotten sick if Kaneki hadn’t left.

But he knows now why Kaneki did. There are some things in this world you can’t look away from. There are some things that demand attention and force you into a situation that you know you’re going to lose no matter how much you sacrifice.

Back then, Kaneki had left to save Anteiku- a harmless place really, full of ghouls that really just wanted to live out peaceful lives.

And now, Shuu was all that was left to save his family, their businesses, full of ghouls that really just wanted to live life as people with families and friends within the workings of the human world.

Shuu realized then that the empire his father had built was simply Anteiku on a larger scale.

So much was at stake here, and now Kaneki-no- Sasaki Haise wanted to destroy it.

_“This is wrong.”_

When Sasaki closed his eyes, he searched immediately for Kaneki. Why? Every time he came into contact with this man- this ghoul- this person who was obviously from his past, Kaneki was never present! Why didn’t Kaneki say anything? Why didn’t he react? If this ghoul once knew him, why didn’t he just explain it to him?!

“Kaneki!” Sasaki screamed within the confines of his own mind.

He found the white haired boy, small and unmoving, lying on his side and turned away from him.

Sasaki practically sprinted to him, “Tell me who he is! Why do you always go _quiet_ when he’s around? Why can’t you-?!” Sasaki had turned the boy around only to find himself even more confused.

Kaneki wasn’t moving. He was biting his lip, trying desperately to be silent . . . as tears poured like rivers from his eyes. Endless. Without mercy.

Sasaki’s voice was suddenly soft, “ _Kaneki?_ ”

But the boy with the white hair didn’t speak, seemed unable to move, and appeared _completely helpless._

“ _This world is wrong, Kaneki._ ”

Haise snapped back to reality and saw before him the heir to the Tsukiyama group.

Tsukiyama’s tone softened the second he realized he’d finally gotten Kaneki’s attention, “And what you’re doing now . . . Kaneki never would have done something like this. What you’re attempting to do- Kaneki would never stand for it!”

Instead of attacking, Haise surprised himself with his next words, “Tell me.” He even relaxed his stance, because the truth was, he wanted to know. This man from his past wouldn’t tell him before, but for what reason? There was something he was missing; he knew it. He just couldn’t identify what it was.

But this man . . . _Tsukiyama_ was important to Kaneki.

He couldn’t run away from that.

“You don’t try to understand anything for yourself. You’re right in saying you’re not Kaneki. I wanted to believe that I’d meet him again, but you- you’re labeling everything ghoul as evil? Even when you, yourself, are a ghoul? You used to live on your own terms, and I admired that. But now . . . now you’re blind to the real problems.”

Sasaki couldn’t speak to the contrary. He didn’t think all ghouls were evil per-se, but he wasn’t exactly taking the time to know them, either. They killed and ate humans. They destroyed families, friends, and relationships. They caused humans to live in fear. They-

His eyes grew wide.

They built, from the ground up, owned, and operated, in cooperation with others all over the world their own multi-billion dollar companies that prospered and functioned seamlessly in society and employed tens of thousands of workers across the globe?

“This world is fucked up, Kaneki. It’s so fucked up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are much appreciated~! :D  
> Did I write this just to make Tsukiyama say "fuck" again? Maybe.


	5. White Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So short! The relationship here is between Arima and others in general. (Not specific) please forgive errors.

It happened over time. Little by little, it took over, and it became something of a testimony to what lie beneath the composed façade of the Special Class. Brilliant white.

Men are made gods through action, time, and sacrifice- death and rebirth.

Arima Kishou was no longer a man, and the white halo that framed his face was evidence of this.

He’d walk into battle the way one might walk home, knowing the way, finding that peace associated with something familiar, and always, always being met with recognition. __

_‘Welcome home.’_

His lips a firm line, his eyes impenetrable, his scent familiar to anyone who bled or shed blood, the god of death was, in a word, _beautiful_ , and no one could deny that he was, in fact, a god.

A distinguishing factor among gods is this- _immortality_. And, he had lived. Through that mission. After that battle. Aside those corpses. He passed the  fallen without ever looking back. To mourn every death would be impossible, so it was best to mourn none of them.

He was blessed with the fortune of walking the Earth forever claiming lives and sending souls beyond this world to the next.

A god among men.  

Now and forever and unto the ages of all ages for all of time. Amen.


	6. Blog Entry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italics are[ Ishida-sensei's words](http://sui-zakki.tumblr.com/post/140386113727/%E3%81%AF%E3%81%98%E3%82%81%E3%81%AB-%E8%AA%95%E7%94%9F%E6%97%A5%E3%81%A0%E3%81%91%E3%82%92%E7%A5%9D%E3%81%86%E3%81%AA%E3%82%93%E3%81%A6%E3%82%82%E3%81%A3%E3%81%9F%E3%81%84%E3%81%AA%E3%81%84-%E8%AA%95%E7%94%9F%E3%81%8A%E3%82%81%E3%81%A7%E3%81%A8%E3%81%86%E3%81%8D%E3%81%BF%E3%81%9F%E3%81%A1) as [translated by makyun](http://makyun.tumblr.com/post/140389926757/to-start-with).  
> The words in italics were not written by me.

Shuu sat at Yomo’s computer at the desk in the small office room located above :re.

It had been months. 

Since that night, he had made _enough_ progress- enough that he had stopped thinking about what had been lost as a gateway into despair and saw it now as a source of strength. He had turned his attention to daily activities, needs, routines. He kept himself busy, and :re offered an unending supply of work to distract him further when his mind began to wander towards destructive thinking. It wasn’t that he was avoiding dealing with all that had happened; he wasn’t like that. What he was attempting, however, was allowing for time to heal the sting of hatred, blame, and self-depreciation that had emerged in the aftermath. 

Those things were merely dull aches now, so when he thought back on that time, he could remember Matsumae, Karren, and everyone who had died or been captured to keep him safe, happy, and alive. It wasn’t even because he was _himself_ necessarily; he knew that by keeping the heir to the Tsukiyama corporation alive, what was really being protected was a steady pride and example of all that ghouls could accomplish, of their equality to humans being given a physical form, and of the hope that ghouls could live and prosper even in a world dominated by a species that ruthlessly committed genocide against them daily.

His plan to allow himself the time to heal before deciding on what he would do next had worked. He no longer cried. He no longer blamed or tormented himself. He no longer placed blame elsewhere. As with all painful experiences, he had been made stronger from it, and with the glowing memory of Matsumae, Karren, and the others lighting his way, he was certain now that he would never fall again, at least, not to the extent that he had when he’d lost the person he now viewed, even after all that had transpired, as his most precious person.

He was so loved.

Shuu realized that now.

Shuu clicked away at the ancient mouse to navigate his way through to a website he had once checked daily. He hadn’t checked his blog, something he was once quite diligent in updating, in- well, _years_.

It was time to move on. He was out of the dark, but that didn’t mean that others were as well. He had overcome everything, but that didn’t mean there weren’t others that may still be struggling. He had been given support from the ones who loved him most, but that didn’t mean that others even had people who loved them supporting them.

What could _he_ say to support them?

He’d had a handful of followers before his blog had gone silent. He’d had a few people that commented on his blog regularly. _Kaneki_ had been one of them. It was one of the reasons he hadn’t gone back. It was painful- evidence that between them there once between them existed a relationship, however _strained_ , where-as now, there was only-

His slender fingers tapped the keys thoughtfully.

_It will be alright._

What would he say to Kaneki now?

_The world will grow to be kind.  
Everything will be okay._

He hadn’t been kind to Kaneki, not at first, but he had _learned_. He knew and understood now what he was meant to do, what he could do, and what he would stop at nothing to accomplish- as a man, a ghoul, a member of the Tsukiyama family. 

Kaneki, despite what he had been put through, had been able to still act kindly towards others. Karren, despite her family being killed and her position both as a von Roswald and a ghoul forcing her to hide her true self, had been able to display such kindness.

_Even if it’s only one person, someone will definitely understand you._

_Someone will surely love you.  
Even if you are hurt due to loneliness, someone will surely embrace you._

He did not cry. It wasn’t because he felt that he shouldn’t; it was because he didn’t need to anymore. These feelings were precious, and he could cherish them without them overwhelming his reason. He would keep Karren alive in his memory and use the strength of heart she demonstrated as he continued on.

_That something that you are working on? It is not for naught._

_You are forgiven for what you have done._

Of course, Shuu had learned to forgive. Not only _him_ , not only others, but himself . . .

That was something _he_ hadn’t learned yet, though . . . not yet. Still, Shuu was confident that Kaneki _could_ learn, and he could overcome this, all of it, if he would only accept and allow himself to-

_The day that you forgive them will soon come._

It had to. One could not carry the weight of hatred and still continue to move forward. Shuu shivered. Kaneki had to be moving forward, because otherwise that meant that he was _choosing_ not to . . . at least, not in the way that he should be.

_That certain event that has happened before, you will come to forget it._

_Everything that gives you fear will disappear._

Shuu wished he could make it so, but that was yet another job for  _time_.

_Eternity does exist._

Shuu realized his blog entry had turned into something intangible, a string of words to multiple people, to everyone, and yet it appeared to be addressed to no one at all. 

Still, he continued writing, spurred on by some deep purpose he didn’t want to voice aloud. He wanted to speak to _anyone_ feeling as he felt then, but, as with all things, ties to Kaneki continued to infiltrate his line of thought. 

 _Being born. Breathing. Feeling._  
_You are currently seeing these words._  
_And are trying to understand them._  
_You then realize that these words were for you._  
_You were reading along the words with your eyes, am I right?_  
_…_  
_You are seeing._  
_You let out a small gasp and_ stop breathing.  
_You notice that and you take another deep breath._

He wished desperately that he could speak to Kaneki.

_You are alive._

And that, that meant more than words could possibly convey. Nothing is worse than death for the ones who are left behind. But he,  _he_  was alive, and that made all the difference even if currently, he was trapped likely by _fear_.

Shuu understood the meaning of despair better than most. So frequently guided by his emotions, he knew that if right now, Kaneki was in pain, he would not remove himself from it unless someone else were to-

_In the nights that you are fighting alone, shall I pull your hand and bring you over to the sea of stars?_

_I shall gently push your back until the morning comes as you ride on the moon’s swing._

Shuu’s finger tips rested on the porcelain keys. He knew better than to indulge in such things. He knew better than to consider himself to be the key to pulling Kaneki from the darkness, even if he was so desperately ready to play the part. 

It was not a sin to dream beautifully.

_If a frightful morning comes, you can continue your slumber.  
You do not have to feel guilt even if you sleep through the day._

_And once the night arrives, I shall bring you outside once again.  
Again, and again. No matter how many times._

Shuu stopped typing suddenly and closed his eyes as he let his fingertips rest on the home row of keys. No, this had become _too_ self-indulgent as a blog entry for his readers. While there was nothing wrong with being such, that was not the purpose of what he was doing today. That’s right. He had wanted to write something for the people who needed to be pulled from the darkness. He’d become too focused on-

_It’s okay not to be normal.  
Even if you’re different from your surroundings, you don’t have to be scared._

_It’s okay to be normal.  
You just see things in the same perspective as everyone else._

He opened his eyes again, read what he had written thus far, and sighed. He needed to hear it, too, just as Karren did, and likely as _he_ did now, as well.

_It’s okay to love someone._

Karren. Kaneki. To receive love, you must first give it away.

_It’s okay to be hated._

He would not dwell on his past mistakes.

_It’s okay to turn away from the things you don’t like._   
_It’s okay to hide from what makes you scared._   
_And if you’re driven to the point where breathing becomes painful, you can run away._

His message had begun to feel somewhat hypocritical, but- No, he wouldn’t delete any of it. He had always believed that in writing his entries, it was best to speak using the words that gathered first in his heart.

_You can do the things you like as you think them._   
_You can continue to dance. You can continue to sing._   
_You can continue to sleep._

_Rest._   
_And once you feel better, try opening the door even for a little bit._   
_Even if you’re still wearing your pajamas, try going outside._

_And if you think that the cool morning air feels good, then you’ll be fine._   
_And just like that, take a few steps._   
_If you feel tired, you can rest anytime._

He would never regret loving this deeply, and he would never ask anyone else to regret the same. It was the heart that separated ghouls and humans from any other species, and it was the heart that made them equals. He understood that now.

_You are strong._   
_You are beautiful._   
_You are wonderful._   
_You can be happy._   
_You can be loved._

_You have every right._

**I’ll support you. If you’re reading this, know that I meant those words back then. I will always support you.** He could not write those thoughts for they were too direct, but he would own them and remember them. The moment he was called, he would be there. He lived for many now, so he _did_ have some limits, but he _loved_  just the same. He knew that, even though it brought him pain, Karren would have understood.

_I shall spoil you at any time.  
So, you, too, should also spoil your small self._

Kaneki’s efforts needed to be recognized. Even if he wasn’t listening now, Shuu had to give recognition where it was most needed.

_Since you’re doing your best, it will be okay._

Surely. Surely, _he_ would call on him when he was ready, and if not, well, he knew what he needed to do now. Again, Shuu knew what he was meant to do, what he could do, and what he would stop at nothing to accomplish as someone who loved fully without fear.

_It will be alright._

And so, he would.

And so, it would be.


End file.
